Service With a
Smile by DES
“What is the wrong with telling the truth with a smile?”
Desiderius Erasmus to Martin Dorp, 1515
Culture Clash
The Episcopalian watchdog, OFFbish, has received the
strongest possible hint from the new Prime Minister that, among other things,
churches must not make political statements and must on no account attempt to
radicalise their members. The letter from 10 Downing Street continues:
“In particular we note that every Sunday evening – indeed
weekdays as well in some collegiate foundations and in cathedrals – you are
guilty of this practice. You oblige the congregation to sing, or to listen to,
the words: “He hath put down the mighty from their seat, and hath exalted the
humble and meek.” We would be prepared to accept the excuse that this dangerous
doctrine arises from our Levelling Up Agenda. But it is a gross distortion of
it. It is similar to suggesting that the free speech to which we are committed
allows you to say things – woke nonsense, for example - of which we disapprove.
However, later on in the same rabble-rousing chorus members are encouraged to
sing “And the rich he hath sent empty away”. Not only is this clean contrary to
government policy, it is clearly a most dangerous clause to sing in churches.
Imagine if children, or other weak-minded people, were to take it at face
value?”
And so OFFbish has instructed the Council for the
Reappraisal of the Anglican Prayer Book to retranslate the Song of Mary into
more politically acceptable language. As The Not Very Reverend Parkin Slipshod
(Platitudinarian) explained: “Biblical scholars are increasingly aware
of the need not to take the imagery of the Gospel writers literally. The word
“rich” clearly does not refer to money, dividends or party donors, but is, rather,
a metaphor.”
DORP: What rubbish!
DES: You will also, my old friend, be pleased to hear of the
efforts to tempt more people back into the churches by re-examining and, if
necessary rewriting, some of the more difficult passages of holy writ. The project
has not got far, but one awkward verse has been recast thus:
“And another of his disciples said to him: Lord, suffer me
first to go and bury my father. But Jesus said unto him: Would it not be better
to wait until he is dead?”
